Dreams.

Every night this week I have had a dream involving a different guy :/

Monday Night: About my friends boyfriend's grandparents. I was with them on a train and they gave me cookies...

Tuesday Night: My ex crush's brother, C, came over and we were watching a movie and he showed me this miniature map that I was trying to figure out.. and then he showed me pictures of his brother...

Wednesday Night: It was kind of like youth conference.. except we all went to the same school so it was more like a feild trip. And the first day of school was awful and everyone was mean and they stole my bag and I couldn't find my classes. And then for the field trip everyone had to perform a dance (thankfully I missed my performance). Then the teacher asked us what other ways people can be artistic and if we knew anyone. That's when C said his brother was an excellent artist... (not sure if that's true). Then a few of us went down a hallway to where a woman was drawing pictures of us. My mom was there and they were calling my sister's name but she added "bert" to our last name... my mom came over and I asked her why and before she could answer, C's mother came over and put her arm around my mom's waist like they were best buds.

Then my dream kind of switched

I was in a store with these strangers. I guess there was some kind of football hazing going on where the guys all got crazy hairdos.. these two had red, blue, and green hair and they were fighting on horses........ then they started throwing soda all over the place and they shut the store down and this lady I was following was cleaning it all up and having a panic attack....

Then it switched back to the original dream and I was back on the bus with all my mormon buds. My friend wanted to sit next to her boyfriend so his brother switched seats with her and he was next to me. Then for some reason I got off at this person's house and I was trying to draw with green chalk on the side of her patio. Then her little asian grandmother yelled at me to help them remove the ice, then the bus came and picked me up.... and then I woke up.

But the one thing that was similar in all my dreams was the snow. Oh, how I loooove the snow.

More.

A few weeks ago in Sunday School, our teacher shared a story with us about Joseph Smith. He was sitting down to dinner with his family and they only had some johnny cakes. So as Joseph blessed the food he said "We thank you for these johnny cakes, but we would like more." Then someone knocked on their door with some super delicious food. (I can't remember what exactly but I think it was a ham or something.)

This cool story really hit home fore me.. Since I've really been trying to start over and be a better person I've been standing up to temptation or as some people call it "punching Satan in the face." Today I had the opportunity to do some not-so-good things and I thought of this story and I said "Heavenly Father, I am choosing not to do this and thank you for giving me this strength... but you've better have some pretty awesome blessings waiting for me." I asked for more.

Now I also think this is a good opportunity to talk about the key role of gratitude in this concept. BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE... and prepare yourself to receive all of the blessings set aside in heaven. And always have the best intentions.. When asking for more, make sure it does not stem from temporal gain but a desire for eternal profit. And these things are more closely linked than you may originally think.. just be careful. I know I have to be.

But Joseph Smith didn't just ask for more when it came to food. When he was 14, he asked for more. And nearly immediately after he asked... he received.

Ask for more. You (usually) deserve it. And Heavenly Father would love to grant you happiness if you obey him and ask.

Knock and ye shall receive more.

Be a Fighter

Recently A LOT of people around me are moving on to "bigger and better things"..

My sister L is leaving for College in 11 days.

A got herself the cuuuuuutest boyfriend.

J is totally done with young womens and thinks she's so above it.. (she's still 17).

E is SOOO talented and knows exactly what skills she wants to pursue.

And here's little old me.. boy-friendless, stuck in highschool, still in young womens, with absolutely no clue what I want to do in my life...

Boys. Granted it would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier to just have that one guy yada yada yada. A few weeks ago I told my friend that I just want a guy who likes me (and I like him), who doesn't need to text me at all hours of the day, won't go and do stupid un-mormon things, and will just hang out with me on the weekends.... but in all honesty?

that. sounds. boring. as. crap.

I want that boy who will sweep me off my feet. I want to be his everything.

BUT. I don't want that now. That would just be too easy... I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'm a fighter who's been through crap and so having the fairytale all of a sudden is not something that I could settle with.

So until then I want to pursue my talents...

One reason why picking specific skills to develop scares me is comparison. I have never been INSANELY good at one thing.. I'm more of a jack-of-most-trades.. so there will always be someone there who's better but I don't care. I'm gonna keep trying.

People all around me are moving on because they think that's what's best for them. But most of them are settling... I don't want to settle. I want to fight.

Done and Really Gone

Well there's been this guy. Nothing's happened and every time I try I get shut down. So I haven't really been trying lately... but I tried yesterday and he was super rude so I'm done wasting my time. If he changes his cold, rude, dumb mind down the road then.... but until then? I AM DONE.

When people say that the girl needs to be chased by the guy, THEY MEAN IT. If it's the other way around there's about a 99.999999999% chance it doesn't work out.

So now I can actually listen to these songs and enjoy every word of them :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRn5d0a4Puw&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHp2KgyQUFk&ob=av2e

And the reason I know I'm done is because I'm not upset.. Yeah, bummer it didn't work. But this Saturday I get to go party it up at a dance and then in 35 days, I can date!!!! Not the tied down kind but the fun group-date kind :)

I'm done getting hung up on the past and I'm just gonna look forward and be excited for the future :)

Shopping?

My parents are going away for their 20th anniversary today to Quebec for 5 days so I went grocery shopping today. I've gone grocery shopping before to get a bag of chips or for a dinner I wanted to try to make but never for breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, and snacks for a week. I quickly ran out of things I wanted to eat and so I ended up grabbing random items (most of which unknowingly containing tofu and other forms of rubber). If shopping in college and for my future family is anything like this then my poor roommates and children will be eating chips, mac and cheese, and tofu for their entire lives.. heaven help us all.

That Awkward Moment When...

They teach you in Sunday School what to do when someone asks you to drink some beer, they tell you how to say you can't date until you're 16... but do they tell you what to do when a nice Mormon boy tries to tap your arm, misses, and grazes your chest.... yeahhhhhh. Good times. I tried to just pretend it didn't happen but this poor guy was sprawled out on the ground out of embarrassment, saying that he was a sinner. Soon enough, everyone knew what had happened :) Oh well, I guess it's better that he was concerned than totally fine with it..

Oh, what would we do without those good Mormon boys :)

Compared to What?

Every teenage girl does it, no matter how much she hates it.. We compare ourselves to other girls.

"Oh, she's got a boyfriend... well I guess she's skinnier than me... but my hair is prettier... but she's got the expensive clothes."

And honestly, there's no real way to win. We either lose the battle by convincing ourselves that the person in question has more going for her than we do OR we think we're so much better which leads to either guilt or a self-righteous mentality.

And in my experience, Mormon girls are even further at a disadvantage.

"Oh, she wears immodest clothes and all the boys love her... I guess that's the only thing guys like."

It's sad how fast girls abandon their beliefs that they've known are true for years.. I have often dreamed of wearing that mini skirt with that adorable tank top and fantasize about boys loving it.

I don't pretend to be Molly-Mormon. I am far from it. And it's tough. No matter how much I hate it, I always compare myself and others based on "accomplishments." These accomplishments usually are of a physical and temporal importance (such as boys, and looks).

But there have been times where I regretfully have compared spiritual things such as my testimony.

God made us different for a reason. He wants us to be unique and embrace our differences.

James E. Faust said "While we are not all equal in experience, aptitude, and strength.. we will all be accountable for the use of the gifts and opportunities given to us." (I Believe I Can, I Knew I Could- October 2002)

This is a little personal but since this is my journal, what the heck.

I was able to go to the Sacred Grove this summer with a group of youth from our stake and while I was there I prayed and waited. Then I realized that I needed to pray for something else.. I then began to pray if I should go on a mission. I don't know where the inspiration came from to pray for that but nonetheless I prayed. I also began walking.. I walked for a while and noticed a small daisy laying on the ground. But I kept walking. Then I turned around. I picked up that poor little daisy and held it in my hand. Right then and there I knew. My purpose in this life is to pick up those beautiful things that are struggling and help them realize their potential. I want to go on a mission. I want to help people. That is one of my "talents" that God has blessed me with.

God gave us some wicked cool talents. It is our duty to discover them, nourish them, and share them :)